Pure Vanity

So, it’s Monday.  Always the day for starting a new regime.  But I don’t need to start over, I’ve actually been adhering to my plan for the last few days.  Curious as to what motivated that?  Pure vanity.

I may have mentioned that I’m not really in the flush of my youth, somewhere in my late 40’s.  I used to be really pretty, even though I was hefty.  And I had smooth skin, energy, strength, and to some people, sex appeal.  Now….none of those things.  The skin around my eyes has started to wrinkle, there is a saggy double chin, my silhouette is not curvaceous, my skin has no youthful glow, and believe me when I say, there is not much anyone might find sexy about me these days.  My strength has disappeared with my lazy lifestyle.  Now I just look like some fat, old woman who needs help from the strong, handsome young men that might once have had a flirtatious gleam in their eyes.  Sad.

Some of that is the reality of aging.  But certainly not all of that.  I think of Sophia Loren, and that is what I want to be like at this age.  Mature, but sexy, beautiful – vibrant and alive.

I had a conversation with a handsome young man last week, and immediately started to feel vibrant, but then started to realize what I looked like on the outside.  That put a big damper on my confidence.  Actually made me feel sad.  The sadness started to pass once a feeling of resolve starting to kick in.

I don’t need to be this way.  I can make changes.  I can control myself.  It is not easy, but it is important.

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As I said, that was last week.  For the last 5 days or so, I have been walking or being outside being active.  Nothing major, no big production.  No changing into special cloths, packing a water bottle, going to a special spot and taking 2 hours out of my day to get a bit of movement into my body.  I just put on my boots and coat, got the dog and walked a mile.  I’ve done that 3 times now.  I also took my daughter outside and helped her build a snowman, then we went to hill to go tobogganing.  It was all I could do to walk up the hill without panting and huffing and puffing.  I didn’t want to embarrass her with that.  Needless to say I was not going down the hill on the toboggan.  I did what I do most times she is involved with some kind of physical activity, I stayed on the sidelines.  I absolutely cannot imagine getting my butt onto that little toboggan and bouncing down the hill.  Tonight, her Brownie troupe are going tubing and I will not be attending.  Her dad will go with her.  I always feign distaste at snow activities, but the honest truth is that I am too fat to find warm winter clothes that I can wear that don’t make it more impossible or more uncomfortable for me to move.  So she looses out on some fun activity time together, and I stay sedentary.  This can’t go on.

There are a couple of apps I love to use on my phone.  One is the S Health that is part of my Samsung.  It has a widget that shows the number of steps I take each day.  And it can translate into kms or miles.   There are a ton of other things it will do as well, however, with the tracking widget, I just have to glance at the screen to see where I am.

The other app I love is the My Fitness Pal.  This app is an amazing tracking app for food, weight, measurements, discussion forums.  It makes it incredibly easy to track your food by typing in the name of what you are eating, or, better yet, it scans the bar code and finds the info for you.  Almost every fast food restaurant has been included, and practically every food you could think of has been entered.  Ignorance used to be bliss, but knowledge is power.  Now, if I choose to eat Ruby Thai (never heard of them?  my fit pal has), I can still track my consumption.

The other great thing about this app is that it lets me track the macros I eat.  This way, I can keep to my balance of fat/carbs/protein along with the amount of calories.  Tracking the macros make choosing foods a lot easier.  Once I understand what the food is made of, I can decide if I should eat it.  Of course, this is only helpful is I actually track my food.

For the last few days, I have managed to cut out the high fat, high calorie, late night snacks.  I heard someone say that the late night snacks are a reward for getting through the day, and that really clicked with me.  My days are often difficult and long.  My daughter has high functioning autism, my husband commutes to work a full time job and has his own business on the side, my mother lives nearby and requires a lot of care that needs me to get groceries and run her to numerous doctor’s appointments.  I also run my own business.  It gets exhausting.  The last thing I want to add to my to-do list is take care of myself.  But I need to.

Check back in a couple of days and we’ll see if I have still kept up the walks and better eating.

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